I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
