Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
