he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
