My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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