so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
