This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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