1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
