Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
