I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't deserve a penis
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
