All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
