She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
