You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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