This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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