My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
