therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
