I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
