she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
