I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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