I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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