well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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