just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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