She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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