a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
