if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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