the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
