I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
