My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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