Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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