bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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