Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk is not a location!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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