So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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