pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
