three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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