Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
