I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
