I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
