we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
