The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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