im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
