This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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