she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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