Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
