The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
