forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
