Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
