there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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