Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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