At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
