you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize