omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God