Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
