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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping

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• (510): View more from California

  my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic

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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  quadriplegic porn is always funny

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  no. no its not

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water

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• (408): View more from California

  If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical

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