Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  "it" just moved

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  (949): "it" just moved http://tfl.nu/94mg
  Replies (10) Good night (868) Bad night (1002)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

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  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2844) Bad night (36314)
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  (951): View more from California

  so let's talk penis.

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  (951): so let's talk penis. http://tfl.nu/oygv
  Replies (16) Good night (4663) Bad night (803)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.

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  (952): he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/uw0a
  Replies (28) Good night (5329) Bad night (807)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

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  (732): Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve http://tfl.nu/de13
  Replies (4) Good night (4573) Bad night (938)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...

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  (614): story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended... http://tfl.nu/ewnx
  Replies (1) Good night (2190) Bad night (1000)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.

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  (612): You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship. http://tfl.nu/eji2
  Replies (10) Good night (4361) Bad night (1085)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.

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  (865): He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW. http://tfl.nu/b38y
  Replies (16) Good night (2843) Bad night (1146)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.

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  (405): It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls. http://tfl.nu/gobu
  Replies (6) Good night (801) Bad night (1849)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.

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  (503): Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon. http://tfl.nu/he7t
  Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (1573)
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  (714): View more from California

  Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.

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  (714): Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high. http://tfl.nu/ti5b
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (460)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.

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  (386): Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it. http://tfl.nu/is7x
  Replies (4) Good night (358) Bad night (422)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?

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  (609): Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails. (1-609): you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you? http://tfl.nu/fkr4
  Replies (1) Good night (182) Bad night (395)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale

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  (515): as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale http://tfl.nu/139w
  Replies (4) Good night (407) Bad night (140)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.

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  (616): Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/ms8p
  Replies (0) Good night (368) Bad night (116)

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