She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.