so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?