he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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