FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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