these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
not ubering you a puppy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
