this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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