she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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