She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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