If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
