Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
