i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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