someone get that fucking seahorse.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
