Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
