i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
