Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
