Just cropdusted the office
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
