how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
