Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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