Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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