i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
