I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
