Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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