I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
