I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
