As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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