Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
