When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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