Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
