I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
