Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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