I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
