with your own penis?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
