I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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