If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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