to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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