some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
