Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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