Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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