Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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