Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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