I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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