I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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