what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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