Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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