Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
