she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
